KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
