dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
