I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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