Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just pee around me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
