I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
