my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
