Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
