Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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