Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
