Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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