I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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