Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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