dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
