i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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