oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
