If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
