You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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