I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
