i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
