Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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