you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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