well I can't set my house on fire every night
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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