I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
