Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
