there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
