hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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