why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
