Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
