Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
