i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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