i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
