He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
