I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
