I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
