I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
