I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
