Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
