im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
