There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
