we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
