Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
