I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was born a porn star she said
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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