Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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