Apparently you make a good broom.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
