I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
