before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Verdict: uncircumcised.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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