I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
