i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
