I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
