Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
