weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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