Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
